Hard at work, Photo / T Blease

When women entered the work force in droves in the 1970s, we felt liberated to earn our own money, make our own decisions and burn our own bras. As grateful as I am to have come of age in that era of choice, culturally we have paid a steep price. As humans, we are hard wired to deeply connect with others in our daily lives, to live with a sense of security, order and belonging, and to experience beauty.

In 1970s when the people who traditionally stayed at home entered the work force in droves, a frenzied lifestyle became the new normal. Child care often ate up most of the second salary. The fear that staying at home to rear children would substantially diminish future earnings caused many women to keep a foot in the door. In nuclear families, frenetic schedules result when both parents work  and children are involved in after school activities. Rushing to drop children off at day care or school, then to work, back to pick up the children, and then home to get dinner on the table and/or attend school activities or other meetings is typical.

A by product of this hurried lifestyle was that we cast aside a profoundly important element: home as an oasis of calm, order and connection with others. Let’s call this missing piece a soul enzyme, an invisible, quality of life element, whose impact we did not understand. In our bodies, enzymes selectively catalyze chemical reactions that are essential for life. Living in an orderly harmonious home is a soul enzyme, catalyzing its members to engage with the world from a grounded center. The equivalent of a hot breakfast and a kiss on the forehead before heading out the door.

Homemaking can be a 24/7 gig, without monetary compensation, participation, or recognition. No wonder women were happy to put on high heels, panty hose and join the working throngs. The result was that many women felt that they had a full time job outside the home and a full time job at home. Homemaking requires considerable skill, effort, planning, heart and a lot of time. Homes where someone loves homemaking are palpably different than those where it gets short shrift.

When no one is at home to greet children coming home from school with a hug, a sandwich, and a listening ear, we lose something. When we send the elderly to adult day care or nursing homes because no one is at home to hang out with them, we lose something. These roles were traditionally filled by extended families. When the nuclear family replaced the extended family after World War II, we replaced a sturdy structure with a plastic Wal-Mart version. The resulting cracks in our social fabric have become gaping, sometimes violent, holes.

The awful mess that we are in presents a compelling case to test new approaches. One is that more men are taking on child care responsibilities. Unquestionably, this new role will fulfill some and frustrate others. Their version of childcare will certainly be different. Don Peck’s article in The Atlantic, How a New Jobless Era Will Transform America, lays out a sober view of the social shifts in store as people become deeply discouraged by long-term unemployment. Although we still have a very tough slog to get through, the movement toward organic food, local food and local business is awake, alive and gaining strength, see Mess Hall. The US Social Forum in Detroit from June 22 – 26 aims to “connect the rust belt with the corn belt through a call to farms.” Given the numbers of smart, committed people, this movement is surely happening in many parts of the country.

One thing is certain, our old way of life is gone and it’s not coming back anytime soon. Today, feeling far less encumbered by the definitions or expectations of an earlier era, we are spawning an entirely new paradigm. Now is the time to lay the foundation and to create environments that nourish our bodies, our spirits and our communities.

For more info: New Community Vision is working to spawn a movement to think about our social and housing paradigms in a new context. Community gatherings to address our universal challenges are the fertile soil in which durable solutions take root. Please subscribe to this blog and contact us for more information.