Charlie Barlie, foster dog, testing the couch.

The young girl fell in love with my dog one Sunday morning. Charlie Barlie, world’s best dog in the world, is a looker, exceptionally sweet and accustomed to being fussed over. Nevertheless, her swoon had a lonely ache to it.

Perhaps I projected my own issues, psychically connected with her, or both. An astrological reading said that I am a magnet for others’ pain. Lucky me. I sensed a single mother, working too hard for too little money, raising an only child. I’ve worked with many single moms. That young girl has many lonely hours to fill. Given that a dog’s highest calling is companionship, they are ideally suited to fill the void of loneliness.

I extended an open invitation for the girl to come over to spend time with Charlie whenever she wanted. Her mom appropriately bristled.  What was I thinking?  Of course, I invited her to come too. She declined that as well. This mother did not know that I am not only harmless, but that I could, and would, be a resource given the opportunity. These days, it seems, one can’t be too careful. Nevertheless, that child needed resources beyond what her mother could provide. And, the mother needed resources beyond what our culture provides. Surely, the mom spent many anxious moments worrying about her child, rushed to get home on time, stretched a dollar and kept up a brave front.

Being a single parent is a tough assignment. I gained fresh appreciation for the role when I was solely responsible for a dog, and for only three months. Dogs are easy. They have no emotional anxiety about boys, girls, looks, body image, grades and do not suffer teenagers’ hormonal whiplash.

Holding down a job, putting food on the table, and clean clothes in the closet is quite enough. Throwing an illness or injury into the mix,  (drama princess at the laundromat), makes your head swim.

This prompts the question: What is a healthy, grounding home environment for parents and children? Some children of single parents get through it just fine. Barack Obama did. His grandmother’s involvement made a huge difference. Still, few are that smart or that strong. David Brooks’ wrote:  Some children are bathed in an atmosphere that promotes human capital development and, increasingly, more are not.  By [age] 5, it is possible to predict, with depressing accuracy, who will complete high school and college and who won’t.

Patricia McGinn, former president of the Illinois Counseling Association, recognized in the 1970′s that, as divorce became pervasive, the consequence would be more violence and mental instability. In her view, the family structure is such a fundamental human need that the deterioration of it breeds violence in later years.

We face this reality every day: on the bus; walking down the street; seeing old people, children, and people in their prime, begging for spare change or food.  We are wary of strangers.

Odd, irrational and violent behavior is common now. Connecting with others smooths over the rough edges of our lives. Being a member of an active, aware community such as a church or neighborhood center functions as a release valve with the potential to help people make good decisions that move them forward instead of backward.

New Community Vision is committed to community building. In collaboration with organizations such as Transition Rogers Park, Sound ConneXions, Mindful Metropolis, and the Tutor/Mentor Connection we are all working diligently to support the shift to connected, sustainable lifestyles with inherent connection, support and neighborliness. Join with us in this worthy and exciting undertaking.

Tags: single mothers