Nutty Guy on the Bus
Mar 17th, 2009 by terry
Older man with shopping cart
The old guy sitting at the back of the bus one rainy winter night was weird all right. When the gaggle of us boarded, he speculated loudly that we must have waited for 30 minutes. Silence. The remainder of the tedious trip consisted of a loud one-way conversation with himself. He theorized that the Cubs will never win the World Series because Wrigley Field is located on an Indian burial ground. He looked forward to the Cub’s opening day in April. When we crossed California Avenue, he sang California Here I Come in a loud falsetto. Some of the conversation with himself was in a cartoonish, loud voice and other times it was just loud.
My seat mate, a dignified, modest older Latino man asked if he was drunk. I said, “Not drunk, just lonely.” The loquacious old man got off at Broadway, half a block before me. I have no idea what was really going on with that man but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if one of the things he needs is more social contact. Have you noticed that when you spend too much time alone, you get weird?
Staying socially balanced requires that we connect with others for real conversations and also for casual banter. In our culture, it’s very easy to go through life and not have enough of either. New Community Vision is working to correct that imbalance by facilitating community gatherings with the opportunity to connect with others, get to know them and build the social bridges are critical to leading healthy, balanced lives.
I wonder why others on the bus didn’t join in with him in singing, “California, here I come” or “Take me out to the ballgame” when he was talking about the CUBS. Why not build community on the bus or where ever we are?
That’s a great point, Yvette, that I hadn’t thought of before. I commute often on the bus and the L. I’m not quite as nutty as this guy and I find it very difficult to engage people at all. The reasons for this are undoubtedly complicated but people rarely even make eye contact any more; friendliness is uncommon. This is exacerbated by the amount of homelessness and panhandling. When Reagan emptied the mental hospitals in the 1980′s, we probably began the downward spiral to more isolation.
Yes, I do that (sing along, etc.) from time to time…Be prepared for the uncomfortable interaction that may follow. He may want to follow you home, as you’re the first person that’s taken him seriously in years. Your generally safe when there are lots of other people around, and often the mood will lighten for everyone when the tension is released.
YMMV, but I make my decision based on: “What’s the worst that can happen? The best?” Then i work to elicit the best, or something even better. It generally ends on a good note.
Good for you, Tim! I can see you doing that. What’s the worst that can happen/ What’s the best that can happen? is a great way to frame the situation.
Sometimes I pipe up and sometimes not. When people don’t respond to in the way that I want, I usually take it personally, which than prevents me from putting myself out there in the future. Sometimes, if I’m feeling cheerful, confident and mischievous, I’ll do something weird just to see the reaction. In which case, I probably wouldn’t take it personally.
[...] Instead of retreating physically or emotionally, staying engaged and growing from the experience will serve you much better in life and for life. If you pluck out the people and situations that annoy you, the orbit in which you operate becomes more limited and your life becomes smaller. It is axiomatic that, if your life is shrinking, you are headed toward a dead end and, sooner or later, you end up talking to yourself. [...]
I don’t commonly reply to posts but I will on this case.
my God, i believed you had been going to chip in with some decisive insght at the end there, not depart it
with ‘we leave it to you to decide’.
Hi there, Chi. I looked for the ‘we leave it to you to decide’ but couldn’t find it.
I wrote this post nearly two years ago and have since shifted from broad community building to more narrowly focus on promoting housing alternatives that are affordable, sociable and secure. These recent posts, Sane Housing for an Insane World and Housing Mixers, both describe models that provide healthier social environments that would prevent this kind of nuttiness from developing.