Photo: Stock Exchange / Blackboard

I don’t know anything about children. I often feel incompetent and that I miss the point. As one of the youngest in my family, I wasn’t around younger children until I started baby sitting as a teenager, the first job I ever hated.

Failing as a 13-year-old, assigned to keep the third and fourth graders quiet during lunch time, may have set the tone. In Stockton, Illinois, the Holy Cross Catholic School policy was to assign a pair of eighth grade girls to eat lunch in various classrooms while the nuns ate their lunch together in the convent. Although we didn’t have to teach anything, we did have to keep them quiet.

Clueless, but taking my responsibility seriously, I devised a brilliant plan: I wrote a dot on the blackboard which I instructed them to look at while they ate. Obviously, if they had to stare at a dot, they couldn’t turn around in their seats, and would, of course, be quiet.

Not knowing what to do, I made up a cockamamie rule and clung to it like dying man. With no guidance, intuition or perspective, the futility of it did not deter me from my approach. My family, of course, found this endlessly amusing. It’s a painful, embarrassing memory. A friend and gifted Montessori administrator was astonished that a 13-year-old girl was put in that position in the first place.

National Public Radio aired a poignant story in which a bilingual nurse interpreted by telephone for non-English speaking patients and English-speaking doctors. A Mexican couple brought their fevered infant wrapped up in a blanket to see a doctor. When told that the child was too hot, they were confused and said that all pictures of Baby Jesus show him wrapped in blankets…

Walking down the street tonight in Logan Square, a young father watched his toddler race outdoors and seemed surprised that the kid just wanted to GO! Not knowing what what to expect, he will probably try to control the child, although a watchful eye in a safe area may far better for the child’s overall development.

If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.

Jackie Kennedy

The point of these stories and a tale of two mothers, is that not knowing, you punt. In many areas, the stakes are low. With children, however, the stakes are very high indeed. One consequence of our relative social isolation is that the people who have experience raising healthy, confident children don’t have enough interaction with the people who need their wisdom. Our culture is full of people in every economic strata who care for children with only the dimmest idea of what to do. At the same time, loads of people know a lot about children and how to care for them are everywhere! They would be not just willing to help, but feel honored to do so.

Tackling the thorny conundrum of social isolation on two fronts makes sense: 1) nurturing communities that are aware of and resourceful to each other and 2) exploring housing models that are appropriate for various demographic groups. We base our housing aspirations on the nuclear family model, even though only 25 percent of our population lives that way! Single family homes are not ideal for single parents, young adults who have aged out of the foster care system, older people, disabled people, families and many other groups as well.

For more info: New Community Vision is eager to work with individuals and groups, such as Sound ConneXions, to spawn a movement to think about our social and housing paradigms in a new context. Community gatherings to address our universal challenges are the fertile soil in which durable solutions take root. Stop by often to learn about the creative approaches to taking a whack at these issues that undermine our families and our culture. Please subscribe to this blog and contact us for more information.

Tags: children, community