Photo: Stock Exchange/Laughing Grandma

Happy Mother’s Day, our annual ritual honoring mothers. Beyond honoring, I want all mothers to be supported with actual systems and actions that make nurturing children easier. The person who sent this video clip, four laughing babies, called it her anti-depressant. These babies bring out our laughter. What strikes you about this clip? The darling babies? Their relaxed, pretty mother? What struck me is that the mother looks happy and delights in her children. She obviously has support. A house with one baby can be chaotic. Quadruplets? Everybody looked healthy. This family values laughter and it appears to be a fun household—except when it’s not. I wish every child and their parents loads of good belly laughs.

Although we give lip service to the ideal of motherhood, we need systems that empower mothers with time and resources that make mothering easier. The assistant at my dentist’s office is due with her first child, a boy, in 6 weeks. This will be the first grandchild on either side. She seems a shy, gentle person from the Middle East. Does her family live near by? No. Her parents live in Jordan and her husband’s parents live in Baghdad. Baghdad? Her mother applied for a visa four months ago but she is not certain when, or if, will come through. Is her Muslim community supportive? No. It is only she and her husband. My heart ached. The thought of a young family feeling that they are alone period, much less with an infant makes me a crazy. I referred her to my blog post Legion of Grandparents with the assurance that within her block, dozens of women would be capable and honored to fill the role of stand in grandma.

A young mom I know doesn’t like to go out in her neighborhood at night because third and fourth grade children are well on their way to becoming “young toughs”. A mother’s heart must break as she sees her child taking on the hardness of the street. Don Beck, one of the originators of Spiral Dynamics writes in The Many Dimensions of Change:

As long as there are pockets of poverty in our inner cities, with fragmented homes and lives coupled with lack of discipline and economic opportunities, expect gang-related behaviors to flourish. And if self-serving adults continue to play the race card only to gain political leverage, don’t be surprised if the amount of racism in our society expands rather than constricts.

Communities that are available to each other with a kind word, an errand, a pot of soup, or a soft shoulder and non-judgmental listening are the best resource that we have to support each other socially and emotionally. Lending a helping hand to families and children has ripple effects. Just as withholding that encouragement and support leads to a downward spiral.

Tags: communities, motherhood, single mothers, Spiral Dynamics