Eye Contact – the forgotten courtesy
Apr 5th, 2009 by terry
Happy Winter Face
We thrive on healthy human contact, or shrivel for lack of it. Our social connection with each other has deteriorated to the point that, on the street, eye contact with others has become the exception rather than the norm.
The eye contact taboo probably began when Ronald Reagan emptied the mental hospitals during his first term in office, dumping ill people on the street. Since then, rampant pan handling and unbalanced media reporting, the low level if it bleeds it leads model of journalism, has heightened our mistrust of others to unprecedented levels. Television feeds the perception that there are just too many weirdos out there. Regrettably, mistrust breeds mistrust, which breeds isolation and quirky behavior that sometimes devolves into violence.
Robert Putnam, author of Bowling Alone, The Collapse and Revival of American Community, says If you had to choose between 10% more cops on the beat or 10% more citizens knowing their neighbors’ first names, the latter is a better crime prevention strategy.
There are undoubtedly many reasons that we don’t make eye contact with our neighbors but surely one of them is that there are few opportunities for frequent, casual social interaction. Even among people that we run into following our daily routine, eye contact is verboten. A close friend reports that after she introduced herself to two people who are on the same schedule at the Y, including one who was on the adjacent elliptical machine, neither makes eye contact anymore. In my dog friendly neighborhood, most mornings, I pass a young woman walking her beautiful dog. Having fussed over this dog a couple of times, I hoped for a hello or at least a nod. Although she looks like someone who could use a word of encouragement, she looks away.
This feels like personal rejection, but it is more likely a testament to our isolated culture. One of the slippery slopes of the human experience is that we make assumptions about others’ actions with no clue whether it is remotely accurate. The girl with the dog, the people at the Y, and millions of others are choosing to not make eye contact perhaps based on unfortunate past experience, assumptions about what a friendly hello implies or maybe they are in deep grief and hanging on by a thread.
The point is that we need to connect with others. Tragically, mass shootings and suicide are no longer rare or shocking. An important element that is missing from our culture is the friendly, neighborhood diner. A cooperative diner that nourishes its customers and anchors a neighborhood will go a long way toward bringing back the community spirit that we desperately want and need. Cooperatives are member owned, operated and governed and, providing there is sufficient cash flow to cover operations, can operate at close to a zero profit. Until those diners are in place, maybe we can start with a nod and work our way up to hello.
An abundance of friendly neighborhood diners is a favorite fantasy. These posts, and others, illustrate this vision:
I have been figuring out the community gathering concept for years and I’m getting closer to actually organizing one instead of talking about organizing one. Any and all developments will be reported on this blog. Please contact New Community Vision to plant the seeds in your neighborhood.
