Bus Conversation With a Hooker
Aug 27th, 2010 by terry
Photo: Stock Exchange/Fishing Hook
I met a hooker on the Irving Park bus the other night. As far as I know, I’ve never talked with one before. Her short black dress, neckline that never stopped plunging, and stiletto heels displayed her shapely legs and perky breasts to full advantage.
Wearing sunglasses, she could see my eyes but I couldn’t see hers. Loudly she challenged me to take a picture. I replied that I write a blog so I would like to take her picture. She blogs too. About what? She waived the question away saying “everything.” Well, her blog is a porn site which I won’t legitimize with the link.
She anticipates getting engaged in a couple of months and obsessed about the ring, the point of which is to make others jealous. The gift of a Jeep Grand Cherokee is in her immediate future as well. The loud conversation left the opening for others to join in. Guys wanted to know why her boyfriend let her ride a bus.
An assignment for a personal growth class required that we experiment with many different kinds of power—masculine/feminine, passive/aggressive and other kinds as well. I loathe the women’s clothing brand, Bebe, whose mission is to provide fashion solutions for sexually active women between the ages of 18 and 35. Their photos of beautiful, very young women, dressed and posed to arouse an erection and open wallets are plastered everywhere. My mother was a prude. I am a prude. I detest the brand.
The assignment was my license to pick a fight with the staff at the Bebe store in Chicago’s Water Tower Place. When a woman asked if I needed help, I calmly stated that I hate their brand because it teaches millions of young women that the only thing they have to offer is their bodies. She was taken aback, of course, and explained their mission. We didn’t resolve anything, other than I practiced using a skill that I didn’t even know existed. After my Bebe spree, I practiced some more at Victoria’s Secret. Same result.
What do I have against these retailers? They are easy targets but my real angst is our culture that exalts the transient values of beauty and youth and devalues other qualities. This reptilian brain obsession dumbs down and short changes our society.
My issue is not with prostitution. It is the world’s oldest profession, after all, because the demand never goes out of style. If men want to pay and women want to perform, that is their business. In America, “family values” gets lip service while we routinely toss people aside. If they make it, we admire their tenacity and success. For those who don’t, we hope that they don’t bring down our neighborhood. Many people, in all economic strata, live in unstable environments. Unfortunately, most women and men who go into the sex trade come from backgrounds that include some form of abuse—physical, sexual or emotional. Many teenage runaways end up in the “business”. Given our cultural poverty of imagination, creative ideas and resources, some choose prostitution, or gang affiliation, because they don’t perceive, and possibly do not have alternatives.
Some women feel that their power comes from their beauty and their bodies. I disagree. Real power comes from the ability to earn a decent living, enjoying good physical, mental and emotional health and living in a safe and secure environment that provides tangible support and intangible camaraderie.
New Community Vision is committed to community building. In collaboration with organizations such as Transition Rogers Park, Sound ConneXions and Mindful Metropolis, and the Tutor/Mentor Connection we are all working diligently to support the shift to connected, sustainable lifestyles with inherent connection, support and neighborliness. Join with us in this worthy and exciting undertaking.
You get more out of riding a bus then anyone else I know. Good for you. Great that you make the most of your life! Love Joan
Bus rides are enormously entertaining and enlightning. Our friend Jean had the wonderful idea following her experience of giving something away as well on the bus. The gratitude she experienced from a very elderly woman on the CTA Sheridan bus upon relinquishing her seat to her during rush hour was inspirational. So Jean purchased 2 large pizzas from UNOs I think, and her knowing a good sport enlisted me. We stood on Michigan and Chicago Aves with Dolly Parton and Elvis imposters serenading the corner as we waited to give the pizza away during rush hour on a Friday nite returning home to Rogers Park. How could anyone resist the aroma of pizza on a very crowded bus near supper time? We sat there sheepishly for quite some time wondering how to initiate this event. How rude of us not to offer an indulgence. My experience encapsulated: Initially there was skepticism – there must be a catch, mistrust -what if it’s tainted, crazy – how fun, then openness, sharing, gratitude, and the laughter in connectivity.
I remember you doing the assignment! I love that you stand behind what you believe. Miss you…and I would love to see you soon.
I read this piece last night. I was not surprised when she challenged you. These women are highly competitive with other women.
I was very surprised when you went into BEBE and VS stores!!! I’ll let you in on a secret- i’m a prude too!!! LMAO!!!
I’m surprised that I went in those stores too. I would never have thought to do that were it not for the assignment. A friend, whom I respect and admire, was saddened and disheartened that I would pick a fight with a store clerk. To be clear, I merely expressed my disapproval of the corporate persona and mission, not the employees.
On the other hand, it seems that all marketing is based on sex, in one way or another, because it is VERY, VERY effective.
I have a half-dozen teen age and young adult granddaughters. Several of them
are experimenting with sex in a way unimaginable when I was their age. Some are having emotional difficulties because sensible limits for today’s almost unlimited sexual freedom in America have yet to be established.
I understand your distress about your granddaughters. It is very hard to see people that you love go through painful times.
In truth, every age has its own angst to work out. Sex, along with everything else, is so different now. We are hatching an new way to be in the world and the outlines of it are not the least bit clear. I am hell-bent on community building because we need new community oriented systems to pick up the slack that families used to fill.
Although the 50′s, 60′s seem rosy, in reality they weren’t all that rosy for many people. Domestic violence against women and children was far more hidden. Women didn’t have the opportunities that we do today. Maybe humanity is always messy and we make a slew of mistakes as we lurch forward. I really and truly think we are on the cusp of a big breakthrough.
Hang in there Terry. If only ONE person is on th cusp of that big breakthrough …. all of your efforts will be worth it …
ttyl.
L.
Hi all:
)
What an interesting social experience! Years ago, I remember a similar feeling related to the same topic. I did my Speech 101 presentation about women posing nude and semi-nude in magazines for profit. I expressed outrage at women lowering themselves to “sex objects” for money. I was also angry at all of the men I knew who liked sexy, cheerleaders and women in bikinis and tight tee shirts in beer commercials. Really. In later years, I realized that it is the almighty dollar that motivates many women to do things that involve their sexuality. I also realized the choices we make will always reflect our final paths in our lives, sometimes for the good and many times “not so much” for the good. Karma, yes?
It was admirable that you expressed your opinions to the bebe sales staff and the Victorias Secret sales staff, but maybe a better and more effective move would be to write or call their corporate offices where your opinions and more importantly, alternative and proactive suggestions might possibly weigh in a little heavier. Personally, I have always viewed the bebe models as ugly and scary in that they look like anorexic heroin addicts and not at all, sexy, or erection inducing. I’ve always wondered who those ads targeted and could never figure it out. On the other hand, I personally find some of the Victorias Secret commercials and ads to be very sexy (Not to mention that their bras are great fitting, I own a few. ) and upbeat and furthermore many of the models promote great causes in our world today. I guess, I see that company as being fun and flirty and not “just about sex”. Lastly, the male species seem to be responsible for hanging on to the that “darned ole reptilian brain “, I can only guess that those procreation genes are really, really hardwired into their DNA. (This may be a mass generalization of all men and I apoligize in advance
Our mission as women, if we so choose, is to educate and nuture our husbands, daughters and sons to think and act differently in the future by leading with strength, widom and a little bit of humor.
Thanks to everyone for commenting. I have some bad news. Where did the line “We have met the enemy. It is us.” come from? More people have opened this newsletter and clicked on the links than I’ve had in two years of blogging. My overall click rate is 23%. On this newsletter, it is 73% and counting. People who don’t usually don’t open it, much less click the link, did this time. I have to believe that the word “Hooker” in the title was the draw.
The reality is that if you want to sell something in this culture, whether it’s toothpaste, cigarettes, or machine tools, an appealing woman (or man) on the cover will give you much better results.
We’re all, men and women, in the same boat. We are fascinated with sex because, at a primal level, we feel that it is dirty. People with healthy and satisfying sex lives do not seek prostitutes. A healthy approach to sex would make rape unimaginable and sex with children preposterous. Sadly, it doesn’t look like we will achieve that any time soon.
Is it possible to accept that humans are hard wired in this way and then compensate for that in some other way. You can bet that I will explore that idea in a future post.
Hi Terry,
I can well imagine this blog was a draw. It reminded me of when I first moved to the Chicago area and took my first downtown bus ride for a job interview. An older man sitting next to me struck up a conversation with me while those nearby listened in. It seemed at the time that we were the only ones conversing on the bus and were there for the interest of others. Let’s hope that we Midwesterners learn to speak up more in public and give others something to think about.
Keep up the good work.
This was loud because she was talking very loudly. Usually when I talk with seatmates, it’s a very quiet conversation. Thanks for your comment.
Terry, I was just reading the daily guides in Science of Mind A Guide to Spiritual Living publication. Would you believe your quote in question: “We have met the enemy. It is us.” was synchronistically mentioned in reference to the comic strip “Pogo” during the Cold War. That probably dates all of us!! Whether that is the original source I am not sure.